Junkyard Jessip




His Truck



First Appearance


Portrayed by

David Cross

Junkyard Jessip is an actor on Horse Apples.


He wears a plaid shirt with the sleeves crudely cut off. His brown hair is covered by a baseball cap, and he has a goatee.

Truck SkitsEdit

His truck is like family to him; he can get all up inside it and wiggle his peck around in it. He also doesn't like how educationated people talk about saving the environment, because how can he save the planet when he can't even his wife from getting slugged by her husband?

If he drowned in a bathtub making himself smell purdy for mouth-to-mouth, he'd want Uncle Daddy to give him mouth-to-mouth. When he first met his sweetheart, he took her in his truck and drove her down to the point... of disgust, from his pale useless member.

He likes his women like he likes his ladies, synonymous with one another. Because if you laid with him, you'd get a mighty itch, as his crotch crabs are so big that melted butter just seeps and slops from his withered member.

His happiest memory was in Iraq when he killed him a cur. He complains that his wife is so fat, that the only place she fits in is the rest of America.

Sheriff SkitsEdit

He believes that American pride isn't just the word that she shaved into his sister's back, it's also an excuse to bomb the turban off a Sand-Negro, or Sandfrican-American.

He isn't against all drugs; in fact, last night he drug a Mexican around with his truck. As well, he hates the Democrats so much, that he got a tattoo on his left nut that says "see other nut".

Also, he isn't against equality, he just doesn't want it to fall into the wrong coloured hands. And don't worry, he won't give you a ticket, as long as you give him a ticket... a one-way ticket from his pants to your small intestine.


  • He sleeps in a bed with Pastor Pigmeat, and Uncle Daddy.
  • In a deleted scene, he reveals that his mama had promised to give him super sex, but Uncle Daddy tells him to just take the soup.
  • In a deleted scene, Uncle Daddy was thinking that they should lynch people that are different from them. Jessip didn't like him being a thinker, and tried to get people to string him up. However, these people were only in his head.

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